THE WORKER’S EDGE ARCHIVES
For past issues, please send an e-mail to UnemploymentBlues@ca.rr.com and I’ll forward past issues to you in .pdf format. All issues include feature articles, tips, questions and answers, and an editorial. If you prefer to read the current issues in text, rather than HTML, just ask.
Below are issues from our first year, September 2004 through July, 2005. All articles and tips are included with advertisements and mailing information removed. Enjoy!
Thank you.
Have a wonderful day on the Internet.
THE WORKER’S EDGE Vol
I, No.1, September 2004
Hello. Welcome to The Worker’s Edge, a newsletter devoted
to helping you cope with the nightmare of unemployment while giving you the
best job search techniques on the planet.
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Contents
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Editorial
Feature Article
Tips
Q & A and Reader Feedback
General & Unsubscribe Info
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Editorial
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Hurricanes in
But as we watch the local, national, and international news, it is really what is happening in our own lives which keeps us awake at night. If you have no job, or fear you may not have one in the near future, that concern is more immediately overwhelming than a distant terrorist attack.
We all know that job growth has lagged behind other
indicators in what we are told is a vibrant, growing economy. But did you know
that fully 25% of the meager job growth over the past few months has been in
temporary jobs? That may explain why,
despite the rosy picture we are often painted, you are having such difficulty
finding permanent employment.
Doesn’t that make you feel a little bit better?
It’s not your fault—it’s the economy, stupid!
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Feature Article
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Looking for work is generally a miserable undertaking. No matter how much education and experience you have, you are in a powerless and vulnerable position.
You spend days preparing for an interview, trying to build up your self-confidence, create a relaxed, competent demeanor to disguise the turmoil and anxiety inside, and practice answers to questions you hope the interviewer will ask.
Is there any way to feel really calm as you approach the receptionist, uncomfortably aware that there are other people waiting, perhaps applicants for the same position? Sit down, take a deep breath, and listen to your inner voice.
Welcome the anxiety that is coursing through your veins.
It is a free, non-addictive stimulant that is going to keep you on your toes
and keep you hyper-alert throughout the interview. Remind yourself that without
that anxiety, you would present yourself as lifeless and flat.
Remember the lists you have made: of your personal qualities, your strengths, the weaknesses you have identified which can really be presented as additional strengths. Let your mind slowly scavenge through the mental picture of your resume and pound those bullet-pointed skills into your skull.
Focus on your worth as a human being, your importance to
those who know you and love you. You are about to be judged by someone who
doesn’t know you at all and who will have less than 60 minutes to assess your
qualities. Self-preservation requires that you don’t buy into that judgment.
You may, or you may not, be offered be offered the position. Whatever the
result, remind yourself that it is not the entire you being accepted or
rejected, just your skills and qualities matched against a company’s needs. The
job interview is a dynamic process with everyone present involved in the flow.
If you feel awkward or very uneasy, it may be that the company or the
interviewer(s) are not a good fit for you and not being offered the job may, in
the long run, be a blessing in disguise.
By all means, review your interview performance afterwards while it is still fresh in your mind. If you think of better ways you could have answered some questions, write the new answers down so you can review before your next interview. As soon as possible, send a “Thank you” note, restating the personal strengths you want to emphasize. If possible, e-mail or fax that day.
The next two steps are critical to maintaining your
enthusiasm and job hunting energy:
a) Relax and let out the stress. Don’t cross-examine every question asked and every answer given or your confidence will erode further in an avalanche of second-guessing and self-criticism. You have enough stress on your plate right now just worrying about whether or not you’ll receive an offer.
b) Be kind to yourself. If you can afford it, take the
family out to dinner to celebrate your having obtained an interview and having
survived one of the most pressured experiences you will ever undergo. If
finances don’t allow that, at least talk to your family about the details, let
them show you a little support, and give yourself a whole day off from the job
search to relax, relax, relax.
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Tips
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1. Tailor your cover letters, not your resume.
Unless you are looking for work in two entirely unrelated fields, try to keep to one resume. If you continually change your resume to try to make it fit the job you are applying for, you may find yourself in the uncomfortable position of being asked specific questions about a resume and can’t quite remember what was in it. Your cover letter, which should accompany every resume you submit, can be tailored to dovetail with the listed job requirements. Keep a copy of that letter and re-read it prior to the interview to refresh yourself on specifics.
2. Diversify your job search.
There are so many ways to look for work. Some will feel more comfortable for you than others so concentrate on them, No matter what you choose: newspaper, internet, agencies, employment hotlines, temp work, job fairs, networking, cold calling—make sure you explore several different avenues. The more options you give yourself, the more chances you provide for opportunity to knock on your door.
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Q & A
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C.J. writes:
“I keep reading that the labor market is getting better but I still can’t find a job. What’s wrong with me? I actually feel worse now than last year when there seemed to be no hope of finding work at all.”
You’re not alone, C.J. When the job market is really bad,
such as last year, the early 1990s, or the Great Depression, there is little
expectation of finding work and the world is sympathetic to your plight because
the causes are obviously social and economic, not personal.
However, when times are better and there are jobs out there, your inability to find work starts to reflect on you personally. That somehow you are not good enough, not skilled enough, not looking hard enough, or, worst, don’t really want to work. Even in the greatest economic boom, there are still several million Americans unemployed. To suggest that all of them don’t want to work is absurd. It may be geographic challenges, industry structural changes, or skill sets.
What is most destructive about the present climate is that
jobs are being created in fewer numbers than needed for those entering the
labor market, never mind about those who have been out of work for a period of
time. Politicians’ statements that “All who want to work will
find work” is just that, a political statement. Don’t internalize it as
the truth or you will erode your self-esteem and endanger whatever
self-confidence you have left. Stick with the job search and be the source of
your own support and empathy.
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General & Unsubscribe Info
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THE WORKER’S EDGE © Copyright 2004 by Virginia Bola, PsyD.
Please feel free to use excerpts from this newsletter as long as you give credit with a link to our page:
All contents provided as is. No express or implied claims
made herein. Your job search success is dependent on many factors, including
your own abilities and energy.
THE WORKER’S EDGE Vol I,
No.2 October 2004
Hello. Welcome to The Worker’s Edge, a newsletter devoted
to helping you cope with the nightmare of unemployment while giving you the
best job search techniques on the planet.
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Contents
==========================================================
Editorial
Feature Article
Tips
Q & A and Reader Feedback
General & Unsubscribe Info
==========================================================
Editorial
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Don’t you just love the way business uses language? (Almost as creative as politicians). My company had a small
RIF this week. It sounds like fun when it’s presented in those words. Not a
major RIF mind you, just a little one. If you don’t know,
The truth is that two good, competent people were layed off. Two individuals, one over 60 years old, one
African-American, join the ranks of the unemployed. A major disruption of their
lives, their anxiety, fear, anger — all discounted and ignored by a cute term.
When will big business ever learn to use plain, honest talk? Ah, but that would make it harder for executives to sleep at night and we wouldn’t want that, would we?
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Feature Article
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When we lose our jobs, no matter the reason, we lose a big part of our identity. Think of the last several times you met new people. After names are exchanged and polite comments made on whatever event you are attending, the question quickly arises: “What do you do?”
It’s a pleasant starting point for conversation and
usually gives rise to many questions or a lively discussion. It also allows us
to measure and preliminarily judge each other. Until we really start to know
someone as an individual, we tend to deal in broad generalizations and
stereotypes. By learning what work a stranger performs, we start making
assumptions about their values: education, social ranking, work ethic, and
personal priorities. Meet someone and talk for a while and unconsciously you
are assessing and categorizing, much based on occupational data. Meet a
custodian, a plumber, a nurse, or an attorney. Notwithstanding your actual
conversation, you have made character judgments that may have little basis in
reality but which allows you to fit that person in a suitable niche in your
mental organization.
When I can no longer say proudly “I’m a mechanic” or “I am a computer operator” my self-esteem plummets. Meet a stranger and admit that I am unemployed, perhaps have been for an extended period of time, and I watch my stature diminish in your eyes. I can talk about what I used to do but I feel somehow tainted and incomplete. I talk too much about why I have no job because I want you to realize that it’s not my fault, that I really want to work, that there’s nothing wrong with me.
The scourge of unemployment is what it does to our minds. We may have watched as our position moved overseas. We may have sensed that our department was running over budget. We may have known that the company was seeking to cut costs. But unless the entire company closed down, or relocated out of state, we believe in our hearts that we were selected for lay off, over someone else, for a reason. And, being human and vulnerable, we blame ourselves.
Who has ever been terminated, even from a job you don’t particularly like, without ruminating over what you could have done differently which might have changed the final outcome. “I should have . . . worked Saturdays to do that extra project, been more willing to train the boss’s idiot son, socialized more with the in-crowd.” Whatever it is, you feel guilty. “If I had handled things differently, my family wouldn’t be suffering the way they are.” You feel not quite good enough, not up to par. Your negative mental tapes start replaying in your head and you start generalizing about yourself and your lack of worth. You remind yourself of all the negative things you’ve done in life and look at yourself as a failure “Why do I always blow it?”
STOP IT!
That’s a lot easier to say than do, I know. But, it’s worth a try. Start by listing all of your positive accomplishments (take your time over this, add items later as you think about them). Anything relating to work is going to be valuable to put in your resume but there is more to life than work so look at other areas too. If your children are not in jail or strung out on drugs, include “good parenting skills” in your list—you must be doing something right. Include major activities: taking night classes while continuing to work, coaching little league, volunteering for a charity drive, running a household while working full time. When you run out of major areas, concentrate on smaller items such as cleaning the house, taking your parents out for a special dinner, losing those 10 pounds which had been bothering you.
KEEP ON LISTING until you have pages of positive personal
accomplishments over your lifetime, from an A grade in kindergarten to painting
the patio last week. Now compare the list of your positives, all the things
that make you what and who you are, the things that make you a valuable and
unique human being, and the one item, no current job, that is your primary
negative. There really is no comparison at all, is there? Move your mental
focus from those old negative tapes by concentrating on all (and there are a
lot) of your positives. Keep repeating and redirecting until habit kicks in and
your mental outlook slowly changes.
Your self-esteem will improve, your self-confidence reassert itself, your belief in your own worth blossom. Now you are ready to tackle the demands of job search with higher energy and without that baggage you’ve been hauling around for too, too long.
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Tips
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1. Get out there!
“Pounding the pavement” conjures up a picture of a
down-and-out vagabond dragging down the street, knocking on closed doors and
getting nothing but rejection after rejection. These days, there are multiple
ways to find work. However, it is still important to stay in circulation, to
see what is going on around you, to stay tuned to occupational vibrations.
Many job seekers spend day after day on the internet, or on the telephone, or reading the classified ads. These are important aspects of your search for work but are emotionally isolative, increasing your sense of being out of step with the 8 to 5 crowd, busily on their way to who knows what. Schedule your week to include days of getting dressed up and going out and about: visit employment agencies, friends at work, register for temporary work, attend a job fair. Even visiting the library, a cyber cafe, or sitting in a restaurant organizing your job hunting paperwork will make you feel like your old self, that you do still fit in, that your present “lost in space” state is only temporary.
2. Keep tabs on
costs.
Looking for work costs money. While we usually remember major items like employment agency fees or flying out of state for an interview, we overlook the little expenses which add up, especially over 4 to 6 months which is the average time out of work.
Keep everything arranged in a large folder or envelope and when tax time comes, you will have a record that establishes your right to deduct job search costs from your income. Include such items as newspaper purchases, books you buy (resume primers, job search help, company informational research), cab fare, bus fare, postage, parking, mileage, motel room charges, resume printing and copying, job fairs.
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Q & A
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D.T. writes:
“I plan on returning to work next year after my youngest son enters first grade. I was a secretary after school but have been a full time mother for almost 10 years. How can I get ready now so I can compete out there? Everything seems so different now!”
You are so wise to plan ahead D.T. It’s true that the workplace has changed a lot since you took your hiatus. You didn’t mention if you have a computer available at home. If so, make sure that you are up-to-date on the latest office software (Word and Excel are vital, knowledge of additional programs a plus). If you don’t have access to a computer, sign up for classes at your local adult school and check Public Television channels for relevant courses. Your library should also have computers available for public use. In addition to up-to-date computer skills, critical in your field, spend some time with your local newspaper and the internet, if available. You need to know the latest “jargon” of your field—the skills are similar to those you performed in the past, but the vocabulary has changed.
You stated that you were a secretary. That title is rare
today. Categories that would fit your skills are administrative assistant,
customer service representative, office manager. “Variety work” has become
“multitasking,” “typing speed” translates into “excellent keyboarding skills.”
In terms of office equipment, much depends upon the size of the employer you
seek. You will find that small offices have not changed that much. A large corporation
may seem more foreign to you with IT (that’s the technical department which
handles data needs) sophistication such as internal software programs, high
speed scanners and printers, complex telephone and computer systems. However,
before you get scared, remember that most large companies expect to invest
considerable time in training new employees and are structured to handle it.
Good luck.
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General & Unsubscribe Info
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THE WORKER’S EDGE © Copyright 2004 by Virginia Bola, PsyD.
Please feel free to use excerpts from this newsletter as long as you give credit with a link to our page:
All contents provided as is. No express or implied claims
made herein. Your job search success is dependent on many factors, including
your own abilities and energy.
THE WORKER’S EDGE Vol
I, No.3 November 2004
Hello. Welcome to The Worker’s Edge, a newsletter devoted
to helping you cope with the nightmare of unemployment while giving you the
best job search techniques on the planet.
==========================================================
Contents
==========================================================
Editorial
Feature Article
Tips
Q & A and Reader Feedback
General & Unsubscribe Info
==========================================================
Editorial
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By the time you read this, the shouting will be over, the seemingly unending ads silenced, and the election decided. How much difference does it make who wins? Depending upon your own beliefs and biases, it may mean a lot or it may mean nothing.
Our system is so bounded by checks and balances that the inertia created by a huge government bureaucracy tends to force any leader away from the fringes. The vision, the focus, the values of our leaders influence the direction of our futures but with another election in four short years, even the Presidency has rigid boundaries on its power to significantly change anything.
Whoever is sworn in as President in January, I can only
hope that the have-nots of our society—the jobless, the homeless, the
powerless, and the poor—find a champion for their goals and economic support
for their dreams. Anything less is unacceptable.
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Feature Article
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There is an old adage that “Looking for a job is harder
than working.” How true! The rigors of job search are magnified by the turmoil
we experience: lack of self-confidence, humiliation, financial pressure, and
the undercurrent of emotions that color all we do: fear, anger, depression, anxiety,
loss. One practical step we can take to lower the stress
and conserve our energy for finding work, not feeding our bloated worries, is
to manage our time effectively.
Have you ever noticed that you get more chores done when you’re busy? If time is limited, we squeeze in those extra demands because we know they have to get done by a deadline and we fear putting them off. When time is unlimited, such as when you take a few days off work, there is no pressure to rush—“I’ve got four days, I’ll do it tomorrow.”
Suddenly, you are back at work and realize that you didn’t accomplish half of what you had planned.
This lack of structure is magnified when you are unemployed. There is no pressure to get up, get dressed, get out of the house by a specific time. We know we have things to do. We need to update our resume, create some new cover letters, research some possible job openings. It is so hard to get started because we hate having to do it, we don’t feel creative or excited about the whole prospect, and we dread having to go through the horrors of interviewing. We procrastinate, telling ourselves that when we are ready, it will just “flow.” For a few hours, a few days, we’ll just indulge ourselves and relax.
When the end of the month arrives and we compare our diminishing bank balance to our multiplying bills, we mentally beat ourselves up for not having accomplished what we had so earnestly intended. Now we generate our own pressure, magnified by guilt and self-reproach. Stress levels and blood pressure rise. We feel resentful, angry, depressed. “I didn’t ask to get into this situation. It’s unfair. I hate it, I hate it, I hate it.”
Adopting a reasonable schedule can avoid reaching this point. Try these ideas:
1. Take a day to do nothing but plan out what you are going to do, and when.
2. Concentrate on not over-committing yourself. You may be used to working 8 or more hours per day and think that is what you will now spend on job search. Remember that adage: your hunt for work is a lot more difficult than simply walking into a familiar employer and pursuing your daily routine. Recognize that and limit your job hunting to fewer hours per day.
3. If you rigorously limit your job hunt-related
activities to 4 hours per day to start (you can always increase later), you may
find yourself forced to stop before you are ready.
This creates the impetus to get you going the following
day and you can hardly wait to get back to what you are working on.
4. When your “work time” is over, stop. Consciously focus
your attention on relaxing: take a walk, read a book, throw a ball, watch
television, whatever pleases you. You will be able to relax because you know
you completed exactly what you planned. The guilt and the sense of “I should
have, I should be” no longer exist and you are free, for a short time anyway,
to do anything you want.
5. Identify your priorities by looking at what day of the
week is best for each kind of activity. If you are searching the classifieds,
Sunday is the premium time to do it. If you
are networking or cold calling, concentrate on the morning weekday hours. Agency visits, whether for temporary work or head hunting, can be relegated to the afternoons when employers are difficult to reach and already fatigued.
6. Analyze your own daily energy patterns and put them to work for you. Make sure that during your high energy periods you are “out there,” contacting people and presenting yourself. Use your low energy times for solitary, mundane tasks: researching companies and jobs, organizing your paperwork, planning your next day’s activities.
The inevitable stress of unemployment and job search can
never be totally eliminated, but managing your time and being gentle with
yourself can turn a painful situation into simply an uncomfortable nuisance.
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Tips
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1. Psyching out interviews.
Interviews are difficult because we never know what to expect.
Some employers will go out of their way to make you feel as comfortable as
possible and will ask low key questions that seem easy to answer. Others
believe in magnifying the stress of an already pressure-laden situation
because they want to see how you handle it. In either case, if you can detach yourself from your nervousness, try to see if there is a pattern emerging. Do many of the questions concern attendance and reliability? Help yourself by emphasizing your track record in those areas. If the interviewer repeatedly asks about teamwork and any prior conflicts with co-workers, you can see what is considered important in this position—sell yourself to it. If the primary concern is multi-tasking, focus on your ability to do many things at once—work, family, volunteering, school, a history of working two jobs—and how you are able to organize multiple demands to stay on top of many activities at once.
The key is to increase the chances of a successful interview by catering to the needs of the interviewer, not reciting a stale litany of overly-rehearsed responses.
2. Looking at transferable skills.
Expand your employment options by looking at your skills
and experience from a fresh perspective. Skills you have acquired in any job
can be transferred to seemingly unrelated positions. Horizontal transfer
consists of moving your general skills and personal qualities to a somewhat similar
position in a new industry. This is most valuable when the industry in which
you worked is dying: steel, manufacturing, aerospace, textiles. Vertical
transferable
skills means using your
knowledge of a particular industry by looking for a totally different position
within it. This applies, for example, when the position you have held has been eliminated
due to regulatory changes, cost concerns, or automation. In either case, it is
your task to show a potential employer the link between what you have done before,
and what you are applying for, and why, despite your lack of specific
experience, you are the person for the job and will rapidly adapt to your new
environment.
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Q & A
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J.B. writes:
“I just completed a vocational training course, at the top of my class. I learned all I could and have been diligently doing everything the placement counselor suggested. But everybody wants on-the-job experience! What should I do?”
You are absolutely right, J.B. Getting your foot in the door right out of school is difficult. No matter how good the training, employers worry that you won’t be able to handle yourself without additional training and time-consuming supervision. Try acknowledging their concerns up front: “I know that you are hoping to hire someone who can hit the ground running from day one but may I explain how my lack of actual on-the-job experience can work FOR you?
This straightforward and unusual approach is likely to get their attention. Follow up with a list of positives the employer probably has not consciously considered, such as:
1. I learn very rapidly and because I’m new, I’m willing
to put in extra time to make sure I understand everything I am taught.
2. I have no bad habits. I’ll learn to do the job your
way and never complain that “In my last job, we always did it this way . . .”
(Believe me, employers hear that all the time and don’t like it.)
3. I know what I don’t know. That means I’ll never cause
problems for you by thinking I know it all and jumping in when I should let
someone-in-charge know what is happening.
4. Having experience is one thing; having good work
habits
is another. As I learn the job,
I will become more valuable to you than other applicants may because of my work
ethic: I am always on time, have an exemplary attendance record, always put my
work as top priority during working hours and leave my personal life or
problems at home.
5. Since I am new in the field, I am very willing to start out at entry-level pay, knowing that within a very short time I’ll prove myself to be a strong asset to your company.
While some employers will always keep on their blinders and narrowly focus on actual work experience, many more are open-minded and just need a nudge to enforce their dream of finding a super worker who does things the way they want.
Try it and let me know how you do.
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General & Unsubscribe Info
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THE WORKER’S EDGE © Copyright 2004 by Virginia Bola, PsyD.
Please feel free to use excerpts from this newsletter as long as you give credit with a link to our page:
All contents provided as is. No express or implied claims made herein. Your job search success is dependent on many factors, including your own abilities and energy.
THE WORKER’S EDGE Vol I,
No.4 December 2004
Hello. Welcome to The Worker’s Edge, a newsletter devoted
to helping you cope with the nightmare of unemployment while giving you the
best job search techniques on the planet.
==========================================================
Contents
==========================================================
Editorial
Feature Article
Tips
Q & A and Reader Feedback
General & Unsubscribe Info
==========================================================
Editorial
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The elections are over, the Thanksgiving turkeys devoured, a chill is in the air and over great swaths of the land, snow is falling. It is holiday season: giving, laughter, and sharing. Regardless of whether we are Christian, Moslem, Jew, or Atheist, the end of year season is exhilarating and fun - a time to make sure that everyone we know is as happy as possible. We give presents, and love, to each other, to our kids, to the poor, to those who work with us, and to those who serve us so faithfully throughout the year.
Now all we have to do is figure out how to maintain those feelings, and that excitement and good cheer, for every month of the upcoming year. Wouldn’t 12 months of Season’s Greetings create a warmer, happier society where we could all feel more appreciated, more selfless, and more loving?
Happy New Year.
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Feature Article
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Mourning Your Job Loss.
To lose a job, for any reason, is to lose something of value. Even work we didn’t particularly like meant something to us. It gave us some type of identity, money, sometimes prestige and power. Loss of work leads to a general emotional loss. While it doesn’t jolt our world as much as losing a spouse or a child, or even going through a divorce, it is similar to having a long-standing relationship break up or the death of a favorite family pet. We need to give ourselves time to grieve, to work through the stages of loss first identified by Elizabeth Kubler-Ross in her exploration of how we deal with death.
1. Denial.
The refusal to accept the reality of your layoff. If you don’t believe it, it isn’t real. You’ll wake up tomorrow and find that it’s all a bad dream. You tell yourself: “This really isn’t happening to me, It is all a mistake. They’ll call me back and everything will go on just the way it was.”
2. Bargaining.
When the reality seeps in and denial is no longer a viable option, we move into the bargaining phase. We try to “make a deal” with someone, anyone, to rectify the situation. You promise: “I’ll be good, really good. I’ll do anything, God, if you just make this one thing okay.”
3. Anger.
The bargains don’t work so our emotions turn to anger. Life isn’t fair but that’s easy to say and hard to emotionally accept. The reality of what has happened makes your blood boil and you find yourself hissing under your breath: “It isn’t fair. How dare that young punk throw me out after all I’ve done for this company? It’s the government’s fault - sending all those jobs overseas.”
4. Depression.
As your anger fades and then turns inward against yourself, you start to feel scared of the future, mentally overwhelmed, and terribly abandoned. You obsess on your fears: “How am I going to survive? No one cares. I feel so alone.”
5. Acceptance.
You are finally able to acknowledge the truth, that you
will continue to live and, maybe if something good happens for a change, you’ll
thrive in a new environment. You admit: “I don’t like it. I hurt. But I’m ready
to move on and find something new and different.”
It is when you finally reach acceptance, a long hard
journey for some with prolonged periods of anger and depression along the way, hat
the future starts to take shape and you are finally able to look forward, not
back. At that moment, and not until then, the floundering stops and you are
able to look around with a hopeful spirit and develop an adventurous mood
instead of wallowing in self-pity.
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Tips
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1. Developing Listening Skills.
Listening skills are vital during interviews. We practice what to say and how to sell ourselves but not knowing your audience can kill the best sales spiel in the world because the focus is off target. Let the interviewer speak and listen for the emphasis and core needs expressed. Use everything that is said to help you tailor your self-presentation to convince the interviewer that you are exactly the right person to meet those core needs and solve those nagging company problems. If the interviewer is hazy in outlining the job and their expectations, when s/he asks you if you have any questions, use the time to explore what problems the company is having and see if you can quickly identify some skill or experience you have had which would facilitate solving that problem.
2. Non-Verbal Interview Behavior.
Non-verbal interview behavior can drown out your verbal self-presentation. Practice interviewing in front of a full-length mirror, better yet videotape yourself if you have access to such equipment. Turn the sound down and watch yourself carefully. How do you sit in your chair? Upright with an aura of energy and enthusiasm or slumped as if you no longer care?
Do you maintain good eye contact or look down at your hands when a question is difficult to answer? Do you lean forward to make a connection with the interviewer or appear distant and disconnected? Do you use hand gestures occasionally, to emphasize a point, or are they always in motion, as distractible as those ex-jocks on TV who constantly flail away regardless of what they are saying? Can you cross your legs at the ankle and stay still or do you constantly shift in your chair and irritate anyone in the room? Do you have unconscious habits or mannerisms that distract from your professional demeanor such as twisting your hair, rubbing your nose, licking your lips, or cracking your knuckles? How is your voice? Is it monotonous, clear, nasal, or shrill? Do you smile - at appropriate moments not constantly like a beauty contestant on the runway?
Being aware of all that you are presenting to a potential
employer can make your verbal presentation more effective and increase your
chances for a successful outcome.
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Q & A
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L.C. writes:
“Can being too attractive be a barrier? I am 28 years old, with long blonde hair and a very statuesque build. I seem to have excellent rapport with interviewers but then I don’t hear back. I don’t consciously try to look sexy but I see interviewers’ reactions. How can I avoid that?”
Many women would envy the position you’re in, L.C., as many job seekers feel that they are passed over because the employer is seeking a certain image that they cannot project. You note that you don’t “consciously” try to look sexy but it sounds as if you naturally do and that needs to be temporarily deflected. Interviewing, and the workplace in general, the primary goal is to look conservative and professional, especially critical when you are attractive or voluptuous. Try concealing your assets under high-necked, well-cut suits. Make sure the skirt length is appropriate, perhaps several inches longer than you would wear on a date, and make sure that the clothes are not too tight. Fasten your hair back and focus on smooth and neat, not provocative.
During the interview, cross your legs at the ankles and
keep your feet still. Check yourself in a mirror at home and make sure that
when you lean over, or get up and down, that nothing is revealed which would
detract from your new image of “all business.” Select bland colors and minimal
make-up - you can relax more once you are on the job but for the interview a
conservative image is critical. In most walks of life, your looks are a very
positive factor. For the asexual atmosphere of a modern office, it may have a
negative impact if you are not extremely careful.
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General & Unsubscribe Info
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THE WORKER’S EDGE © Copyright 2004 by Virginia Bola, PsyD.
Please feel free to use excerpts from this newsletter as long as you give credit with a link to our page:
All contents provided as is. No express or implied claims
made herein. Your job search success is dependent on many factors, including
your own abilities and energy.
THE WORKER’S EDGE Vol I, No.5
January 2005
Hello. Welcome to The Worker’s Edge, a newsletter devoted
to helping you cope with the nightmare of unemployment while giving you the
best job search techniques on the planet.
==========================================================
Contents
==========================================================
Editorial
Feature Article
Tips
Q & A and Reader Feedback
General & Unsubscribe Info
==========================================================
Editorial
==========================================================
The New Year is here. The days are getting longer, the nights a little colder. After the bustle and frenzied shopping of Christmas, the party circuit, the visiting of the whole holiday season, and the exhilaration of seeing a new year slide in with a dropping crystal ball, full of hope and anticipation, it is nice to have a few quiet moments to withdraw into ourselves for some time alone.
For almost 50 years, I have written down my thoughts at the start of each new year. Sometimes I concentrated on hopes and prayers. At other times, there were specific plans or resolutions. Most years, there were thanks for the goodness and warmth received through the past 12 months. Sometimes there were regrets for friends and family who would never see the year I was anticipating so eagerly.
I hope you also take the chance to look inward at yourself and around you at your surroundings. When times are tough, as they often are, it is so easy to concentrate on the worries and negativity that keep us awake at night. No matter how bad things seem, there is always something positive, somewhere.
Celebrate your family, your friends, your health, your community. Remember those who have gone and resolve to live this year for them as well as for the most important person in your life, yourself.
Happy 2005.
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Feature Article
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The Real Nature Of Networking.
When the word “networking” is used, we tend to think of upwardly mobile college graduates with a bursting day timer in hand chatting up the competition at business meetings, conventions, or workshops. The average blue/pink/white collar worker disconnects, feeling that they could never be that pushy, don’t know enough people to even make an attempt, and that the method only works in competitive business environments.
Wrong!
While networking can, and often does, follow such a scenario, the concept is much broader than that. The premise is that most people find a job through someone they know. It may be a direct referral or, more likely, indirectly hearing about an opening that seems suitable.
Procedurally, networking could not be simpler: contact everyone you know to see if they have any firsthand knowledge about job opportunities. Then contact all the people they know. Obtain referrals to other people from everyone you contact and in a short period of time, you will have a veritable army of people working with you to find the right position.
An organized approach to this time-demanding but highly effective technique is discussed in depth in my workbook “The Wolf at the Door: An Unemployment Survival Manual” (Authorhouse, 2003). Contact lists in various categories are provided as well as schedules for follow up and strategies for maintaining the strength and commitment of your lists.
For now, let’s look at the different levels of networks you can develop.
1. Sizzling Contacts.
These are the people you know personally. They include your family, friends, former coworkers, and acquaintances: your barber, your mailman, your doctor, your real estate agent, the guys you see at the golf course, the women at your club, your children’s teachers, other PTA parents - anyone with whom you have regular contact. Often, you need go no further. How many of us obtained our first job through our family or their friends? It is a common occurrence. Look for a moment at ethnic groups and how they operate. Most new immigrants find a position through personal contacts. Hispanics are famous for bringing in their brothers, cousins, and nephews when there is an opening. Most companies who hire mainly Spanish-speaking labor never advertise. All they have to do is tell their employees that they need more workers and the next day dozens of assorted relatives show up and they can make their selection. There are large ethnic communities in different parts of the country: Vietnamese, Armenian, Indian, Korean, Chinese, Irish, Portuguese, Samoan, and Filipino. In almost every group, initial job search is strictly word-of-mouth. Later, as individuals, many workers become culturally assimilated and move into more mainstream jobs but the core of the group, especially those with poor English skills, tend to remain within their original subculture. There are, for example, airlines whose entire ramp staff at some airports are Pacific Islanders, manufacturing companies where the usual language on the production floor is Portuguese, and supermarkets where the workers (and customers) are overwhelmingly Korean. Contrast the successful employment rate of these groups with, for example, African-Americans who are very loosely tied to their communities. Until recent attempts by Church and civic organizations, networking was almost non-existent in African-American culture and a consistently double-digit unemployment rate directly reflected that lack of connectivity.
2. Warm Contacts.
From everyone you seek out while you are making personal contacts, you try to obtain the names and contact numbers of people they know and if you can use their names as a source of referral. If all the people you directly know, literally dozens, give you a few names to call, you may have well over a hundred names within a few days. Frequently the first and second level contacts are all that is required. Someone you touch will know of something suitable somewhere.
3. Tepid and Cold Contacts.
If you are really unfortunate, your circle of social
acquaintances is very limited, your geographic area has devastating economic
blight, your have negative or limiting personal aspects (prison record,
disabilities, a very poor work record), then you may need to expand an extra
level or two. Secondary referrals have some potential but the more tenuous the
link between you and your friends and the target person, the less effort to
help you is likely to be encountered. When you have exhausted all of your
contact lists, unlikely but possible, you are left with the standard job search
techniques (classifieds, internet, job fairs, agencies) or cold calling. Cold
calls, whether by telephone or, preferably, in person, require you to call or
walk into an employer without any introduction, and with no knowledge of any
openings. You are likely to receive many negative responses to your queries but
sometimes you just happen to time it perfectly and there is a newly available
position that suits you. While the chances are sobering, you can still feel
proud that you are out in the world, taking positive actions for yourself,
rather than withdrawing into the sanctuary of home where the odds against
success become astronomical.
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Tips
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1. There is a
constant debate about the “correct” length of a resume. For years, the golden
rule was one page only. Personally, I still find this an excellent rule of
thumb. So
many resumes I review contain extraneous material. If a job or a skill is no longer relevant, leave it out. In a world where information has exploded over the past decade, the ability to write concisely and logically, with a focus on core concepts, becomes ever more valuable. If you have very extensive experience, all applicable to the focus of your job search, then perhaps you will need to go to two pages. (Although I admit that with a great deal of reluctance—are you SURE it’s all relevant?)
If you are a professional with publications and awards that need to be listed, try this: a one page succinct precis of your skills with an attached full Curriculum Vitae which may run several pages. For most of us, one or two pages is more than enough: the goal is simply to open the door, not to sell yourself (that happens in the interview).
2. One very uncomfortable aspect of looking for work is the need to “sell yourself” in an interview. Most of us are raised to be modest, or at least to present ourselves that way. “Blowing our own horn” makes us self-conscious, awkward, and a little tongue-tied. It may reduce your stress level to take a slightly different approach: rather than feeling that you have to sell your personal effectiveness, focus on your problem-solving ability which is really the heart of the interviewer’s interest.
If company problems are discussed, take the opportunity to outline similar problems you have encountered in previous positions and the steps you took to resolve them. If the employer does not mention current problems or challenges, don’t assume that they don’t exist. Any employment situation has obstacles: not enough business, too much business in too short a time, procedural difficulties, processing hold-ups. Ask the employer what is his biggest headache and use his answer to demonstrate your skills.
By concentrating on the interventions you might make, you
forget about yourself and become more comfortable with the entire situation. An
additional benefit is that the interviewer has the opportunity to “see you at
work” rather than having to probe for specifics behind a front of self-hype.
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Q & A
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M. L. writes:
“For years I worked in production as a loyal union member. There are no local jobs so I am trying to change to service work. When an employer sees that I worked for (Employer name deleted) for 15 years, they seem to tune me out. I can’t lie about my work history so what should I do?”
You are encountering what is too common a situation, I’m afraid, M.L. Try to sit in the interviewer’s chair for a moment and think of some assumptions you might make. Long-term union workers are often considered demanding, rigid, and entitled. In a large union shop, there are very defined work rules which an employer flouts at his peril. This was designed, of course, to protect employees: to avoid exploitation, to guarantee overtime pay, to ensure that older, higher-paid, workers are not discarded to make way for cheaper, entry-level youngsters. The system of shop stewards and grievance hearings allows for all employees to be fully heard and enjoy representation by their peers.
The fear of non-union employers is that your history will make it difficult for you to be flexible and cooperate with supervision and management rather than the union “Us versus Them” environment.
My motto is always to identify negative ideas the interviewer may be harboring and confront them directly. Tell the interviewer that you know that sometimes former union workers cause headaches for new employers. Now distance yourself from the stereotype. You performed union work because it was well-paid and readily available. But your key goal was to work, to be productive, to feel good about yourself, to provide for your family. Point out how worthless you feel when you are not productive. Stress your flexibility—that you are open to what hours you will work, that you enjoy being part of a team, that you like to work closely with supervisors and management so that together you can achieve departmental and company goals.
Focus on your liking to work with people and your choice
to treat everyone with courtesy and respect, whether they be
customers, coworkers, or someone calling with a complaint. If there have been times in the past when you
have been able to mediate between opposing parties, or times when you could
have filed a grievance but elected not to because it was less important than
doing your job, cite it now. Turn the interviewer’s biases upside down and you
will at least get a fair hearing and honest consideration.
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==========================================================
THE WORKER’S EDGE © Copyright 2004 by Virginia Bola, PsyD.
Please feel free to use excerpts from this newsletter as long as you give credit with a link to our page:
All contents provided as is. No express or implied claims
made herein. Your job search success is dependent on many factors, including
your own abilities and energy.
THE WORKER’S EDGE Vol I,
No.6 February 2005
Hello. Welcome to The Worker’s Edge, a newsletter devoted
to helping you cope with the nightmare of unemployment while giving you the
best job search techniques on the planet.
==========================================================
Contents
==========================================================
Editorial
Feature Article
Tips
Q & A and Reader Feedback
General & Unsubscribe Info
==========================================================
Editorial
==========================================================
Well, February is here and despite the cold, only six more weeks until Spring. February is a good time to look for work and the economic outlook, although performing miserably in comparison to what was promised in the tax cuts and incentives passed a year ago, is definitely improving. With your chances for finding work increasing, now is the time to go back and review your job search campaign, repeat what seemed effective and dump the strategies that led nowhere.
I always start a diet and exercise program in January (no my resolutions never last 12 months but it’s a start) and feel as if I am creating a new me, suitable for the freshness and promise of a new year. Try doing something different yourself, whether it is self-improvement, a trip somewhere, varying your home routine—something that will define this year and your future as positive and promising.
We may not be able to afford to turn our world around as
in the radical make-over shows on television, but we can give ourselves a
mental refresher by changing our attitudes and perceptions of the world. Greet
it as a far more exciting place to live than the doldrums of unemployment
suggest.
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Feature Article
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There is an end to the job search tunnel!
It has been a long, hard road: layoff, unemployment, fear, depression, and occasionally panic or despair. Beyond the trauma of losing your job stretches the uncomfortable, stress filled nightmare of looking for work. Emotionally reeling from the blows of joblessness, you picked yourself up and cast yourself out into the mind-numbing, ego-destructive, judgmental world of the job seeker.
Now the nightmare is over. The offer has been made and
accepted: you are going back to work.
Do you feel elated? At times, probably
so. Do you also feel deflated? Again, probably so.
When we are actively involved in looking for work, we tend to feel that once we
are offered a position, all will be right with the world, the long-borne burden
will be off our shoulders, and our mental outlook will be bright and positive.
Don’t be surprised or upset if you don’t experience an unalloyed sense of joy and optimism. It is not unusual to encounter feelings of disappointment and apathy, Your family and friends are totally delighted for you, so you develop feelings of guilt for not being as happy and relieved as everyone else appears.
Be kind to yourself. Become aware of what you are experiencing so you can accept it for what it is and become your own primary source of support. Consider these events:1. You have just been through a harrowing ordeal that required you to marshal all your resources to focus on one goal: finding employment. You harnessed your anxiety by pouring out adrenaline to keep yourself active and fighting fit. You buried your concerns about other aspects of your life in order to concentrate on one single priority. Now that you have attained your goal, there is no more focus for your emotional and physiological energies, they simply swirl around in disarray. When such an all-encompassing goal is accomplished, there is suddenly a temporary vacuum. For the moment, you don’t know what to do with yourself, a predicament that leads to mood swings, a sense of loss, a vague but powerful restlessness that is as unpleasant as it is unexpected.
2. Although most of us abhor the agonies and drudgery of looking for work, there are emotional elements that are provocative and pleasant. We may hate being jobless and yearn to have a known routine and a specific position, but the unknown with its endless possibilities and immense potential can be seriously seductive. No one job is ever going to fulfill all of our fantasies. It can only circumscribe our limitless dreams.
It is rather like planning a major vacation trip. The excitement is in deciding where to go and what to see, as if the whole world were our personal oyster. Once we have selected our destiny and then completed our trip, we look back in enjoyment and treasure the memories but never quite recapture the level of excitement of that initial anticipation.
Confronting the unavoidable limitations that any one position
will impose on our inner vision leads to a nagging sense of having been cheated
out of some of our expectations. No matter how wonderful the Christmas present we
receive may be, it never quite matches the thrill of
seeing it sitting under the
tree, brightly wrapped and incredibly desirable because it could be absolutely anything.
3. A period of time without work destroys much of the ordinary structure of our lives. Despite the unexpected free time it provides, we tend not to make productive use of much of it. One reason we lose time is our emotional distress which leaves us drained, listless, and disconnected. Another cause is that there are no time pressures or deadlines. If we don’t get it done today, there will be time tomorrow. We no longer have to squeeze in extra chores between the demands of work and our everyday lives so we don’t fit them in at all.
If we reproach ourselves for our lack of action and poor motivation, we rationalize that our energy needs to be conserved for the demands of job search. Once the job hunt ends, we are confronted with the knowledge that we have squandered vast amounts of time and will now have to take action when our available time will be limited by work demands. Guilt and self-disgust further deflate our mood.
Give yourself time to gradually wind down. Allow yourself to get rid of the tension by refocusing on relaxation: sleeping, exercising, shopping, walking, meditating, just doing nothing—whatever seems to work for you. Accept that your intermittent distress is a natural consequence of your unemployment experience. Watch your changing emotions with understanding and affection. View your inner turmoil with patience and compassion and with the sure knowledge that your own industrious efforts led to your success and have earned you a well-deserved period of self-indulgence.
As you gradually regain your physical and emotional
balance, you can start to truly bask in the enjoyment of reconnecting with the
world of work.
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Tips
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1. Rewarding your network.
You have followed the advice of the job search experts, contacting everyone you know to solicit job leads and names to contact who might be able to help you find employment. Some leads may have been very positive; others led nowhere. Regardless of the outcome, a vital part of successful networking is giving feedback to those who tried to help. Call everyone who gave you names or leads and thank them for going out of their way. It will remind them of your continuing problem and will leave them feeling positive so that they will help others in the future. If the lead turned out to be worthless, they may put out extra effort to find something more promising. People help you because they want an inner sense of satisfaction and often start assuming some sense of responsibility for you. They may take extraordinary steps to increase those feelings of self-satisfaction by ensuring that their assistance was instrumental in your success.
2. Shotgun courtesy.
You are undoubtedly extremely polite and amiable with any interviewer you encounter. You are on your “best behavior” knowing that your self-presentation and demeanor are keys to your being considered for a position. But how do you treat the “little people” on your way to the interview?
The front desk receptionist, the office staff who take
your telephone calls, the secretary who greets you, the security guard who
walks you through the plant, the potential co-worker who offers you coffee: all
of these people, while not making the final hiring decision, have varying
degrees of influence over your fate. You may make a masterful presentation in
the interview but if remarks are heard from staff about your curtness, lack of
respect, or pushiness, your presentation may have been for naught. Exude
courtesy and respect to everyone you encounter at a potential employer’s
business and the remarks made (“What a nice man he seemed” or “She was so
pleasant and friendly”) may dramatically increase your stock relative to
competing applicants.
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Q & A
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B. K. writes:
“I’ve been out of work for more than six months. I know
that there are some deadend jobs around but with my
experience, I should be able to do better than that. I’ve tried everything I
can think of and I’ve run out of places to look. Do I really have to give up
and take a job I’ll hate with crumby wages?”
Sorry, B.K., but it sounds as if you are really in a frustrating position. You didn’t mention what geographic area you live in—urban and rural job search techniques differ. Use these suggestions as a checklist to make sure that you really have exhausted all possibilities.
1. Newspapers, trade magazines, newsletters, free employment guides.
2. Internet job postings and employment sites.
3. Agencies—employer paid, applicant paid, temporary.
4. Networking with every single acquaintance you can find.
If you have used every one of these strategies, and
repeated them on a regular basis, including following up on every possible
lead, then you may need to consider relocation to
an area with better employment
prospects or, depending upon your skills, looking for a telecommuting position
for a company which may be a long distance from your home. Good luck in your
search and continue to stay active, no matter how frustrated you may currently
feel.
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==========================================================
THE WORKER’S EDGE © Copyright 2004 by Virginia Bola, PsyD.
Please feel free to use excerpts from this newsletter as long as you give credit with a link to our page:
All contents provided as is. No express or implied claims
made herein. Your job search success is dependent on many factors, including
your own abilities and energy.
THE WORKER’S EDGE Vol I,
No.7 March 2005
Hello. Welcome to a new issue of The Worker’s Edge, a newsletter
devoted to helping you cope with the nightmare of unemployment while giving you
the best job search techniques
on the planet.
==========================================================
Contents
==========================================================
Editorial
Feature Article
Tips
Q & A and Reader Feedback
General & Unsubscribe Info
==========================================================
Editorial
==========================================================
Groundhog shadow or not, Spring
is just around the corner. Our spirits seem to naturally rise as winter slouches
away and flowers start to bloom. Everybody, except maybe avid skiers, loves Spring. It is the perfect time (if such a thing exists) to
be looking for work. Vow to leave behind the frustrations and negatives of the
past many weeks and embrace the warmth of the returning sun. Spring clean your mind
with a positive attitude change. Brush your teeth until
they sparkle, smile at yourself
in the mirror, put on your best clothes, and go get ‘em.
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Feature Article
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Keeping a Job Search Diary.
Looking for a job involves a wide range of responsibilities: preparing a resume, looking at ads, contacting employers, calling and visiting friends and acquaintances, follow ups, interviews. While none of us ever plan to be out of work for very long, it can be very useful to immediately start documenting your activities and your feelings to provide a road map of where you have been and where you want to go. It helps to have a central location for recording your daily actions so you don’t miss anything important or forget a critical deadline. It is also reassuring to have somewhere to go when you’re feeling blue and too lethargic to go anywhere or do anything you consider “productive.” Start a job search diary right now. Even if you have been unemployed for some time, start one anyway because a late start is better than never doing it at all.
Take a plain old exercise book and title it: Job Search Diary. Find a spot to keep it where it will always be close at hand when you need it, probably several times a day.
If you are newly jobless, start out by recording your feelings.
Writing out (keep it simple, it’s not the great American novel) what you are
thinking, in black and white sentences, helps to sort out your jumbled
emotions, clear your mind, and reach a better understanding of your inner self.
Jot down your anger, your fears, what you expect, what you secretly dread.
Pouring out your soul will release a lot of the inner tension you’re feeling
and soothe your nerves.
This record is for you - no one else will ever see it - so you can be brutally honest. If you fear you are a loser who will never amount to anything, write it out. If you think you’re really a good, competent worker but your old boss was a jerk or the company sucked, put it down.
If you have been out of work for a while, make your initial entries a recap of what has been happening in your life since you lost your job. Trace the sequence of events and see if you can remember how you felt at different times. There were probably times when you were overwhelmed and stressed out: record when you felt that way and, if you can recall, what activities you were engaged in when those feelings appeared. There were also probably times when you felt hopeful or elated. Record that too and what events were connected with such emotions.
Use your diary as a place to plan what you want to do. List all activities that you are going to perform that will get you back to work. You might initially plan on updating your resume and reading the classifieds to gauge the state of the labor market. If you are further along in the job search, you might list some networking targets or identify some employers where follow up on earlier contacts might be beneficial. Frequently, throughout the day, record what you did, who you talked to, how you felt.
This is going to become your
When you can’t bear the thought of one more telephone
call leading to one more rejection; when you can’t find the energy to get
dressed up to visit an agency or cold-call an employer; when you can’t stand
the sight of another misleading ad or internet job site; then reach for the
comfort of your journal. Read over what you have written and see the changing moods of your long pilgrimage.
See if you can identify a pattern. What were you doing when you felt despondent and alone? What were you doing when you felt upbeat and positive about the future? Concentrate on your own specific actions, not merely your reaction to outside events. If you can find a thread relating what you do to how you feel, you have found a valuable key for managing your hunt for work. You now know what to do to feel pretty good and what not to do to avoid a recurrence of despair.
Maintain your diary throughout your job search and it will become an increasingly rich source of information about you and your inner self. It will challenge you to get active and it will comfort you when you just want to curl up into a ball and turn your back on life.
When your final exultant entry is made - I got a job! - find a quiet time to completely read through all the entries to give yourself a full appreciation of how far you have come and how hard you have worked for your eventual success. Give yourself a mental pat on the back for hanging in there and never accepting defeat.
Then close it up and lock it away in a safe place. If you
ever find yourself jobless again (and it happens to
many of us over and over), take it out. Reread it for the insights you will
gain, and the mistakes you’ll be able to avoid, in your next (probably shorter)
job search campaign.
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Tips
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1. Pre-interview Web Research.
You have obtained an interview—congratulations! You feel prepared to discuss your strengths, your accomplishments, your willingness to work hard and learn quickly, and your ability to fit seamlessly into the employer’s needs. But... you don’t know anything about the employer. You may not even be sure what kind of industry they are in. Do some quick homework before your interview and you may glean a basic understanding of their business that can set you apart from other candidates.
In the “old days” you would have needed to visit a library to try to find the employer in a Business Directory or Manufacturers’ Guide. Now you can use the Internet to investigate. If you are lucky, and find that they have their own website, explore it completely, like a search engine spider, page by page and link by link. It will provide you with genuine insight into their organization, their accomplishments, and their values. Try to identify what kind of problems and challenges they may be facing which you could address in an interview. If the company does not have a website, Google them and see if they show up on another site. If you know their product or service (if you don’t, anonymously call the receptionist and just ask what the company does) search for their name within similar sites. If you cannot find the company anywhere, or can’t find any helpful details, look at the industry they are in and see what is currently a hot topic and what predictions for future change are being discussed. All such information will be immensely valuable in your interview either to demonstrate your ability to solve problems or, at the very least, allow you to ask intelligent, pertinent questions.
2. Thank You Letters.
It is often reported that in a world of email, instant messaging,
and hand-held blackberries, letter writing is a dying art. The good news is
that writing a brief, personal letter is unusual enough that it stands out and
frequently produces a very favorable response. Plan on
writing a short thank you note after every interview. Obtain a business
card to be sure that you have the correct name spelling and title. Thank the
interviewer for their time and the
opportunity to meet with them. If you feel capable of highlighting the areas discussed and how that meshes with your skills and experience, go ahead. The important thing is: don’t let your fear of not sending the “perfect” letter stop you from sending it! An immediate, personal “thank you” is far more effective than a late-arriving, over-written, template-based recitation of skills.
And while you’re jotting off that letter to the employer,
write another one to any of your contacts who were nice enough to steer you in
the right direction.
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Q & A
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W. S. writes: “The welding company I worked for closed
down late last year so I know being out of work is not my fault. But I feel so
guilty when I can’t buy the kids what they want and we had a miserable
Christmas. I thought I’d find something in the New Year but, so far, nothing. I
feel like I’m letting everyone down. I’m so down on myself that it’s affecting
my enthusiasm in interviews and I’m afraid people see
me as worn down and desperate. How can I change it all
around?”
First of all, W. S., know that you are not alone. Take a look around any unemployment office or Human Resources waiting room. We all try to project energy and self-confidence to an employer but rejection after rejection makes it increasingly difficult the longer we are out of work. We get that “hang dog” look that reflects our inner expectations of failure. In your case, it sounds as if you have fallen into the trap of so many breadwinners: taking total responsibility for providing for your family and losing faith in yourself when you no longer live up to the lofty image you have created.
Learn to share the burden. If your wife can work, let her
help out even if only temporarily - it may build her own self-esteem. If your
kids are old enough to do odd jobs, let them help - they will feel grown-up and
important to the family unit. Financial issues aside, share the emotional
stress. Sit down with your family and let them know how you’re feeling. If you
are forthright and honest, you may be surprised at the response you get.
Outside pressures can serve as a rallying point for family togetherness and
bring all of you closer together. When
you set out on the job hunt, remind yourself that you are not alone - you have
that core of family support covering your back. Just that knowledge may put
some spring back into your step and an element of pride in your
self-projection.
==========================================================
General & Unsubscribe Info
==========================================================
THE WORKER’S EDGE © Copyright 2004 by Virginia Bola, PsyD.
Please feel free to use excerpts from this newsletter as long as you give credit with a link to our page:
All contents provided as is. No express or implied claims made herein. Your job search success is dependent on many factors, including your own abilities and energy.
THE WORKER’S EDGE Vol I,
No.8 April 2005
Hello. Welcome to The Worker’s Edge, a newsletter devoted
to helping you cope with the nightmare of unemployment while giving you the
best job search techniques on the planet.
==========================================================
Contents
==========================================================
Editorial
Feature Article
Tips
Q & A and Reader Feedback
General & Unsubscribe Info
==========================================================
Editorial
==========================================================
Happy April, everyone. How’s the job hunt going?
There does seem to be some hiring happening but only 110,000 jobs were created in March, the lowest monthly number since July, 2004, less than half of the number economists predicted. What a disappointment! However, it is still an important time to redouble your efforts before new graduates and school-leavers start to flood into the market in June. Keep plugging away and network, network, network.
It’s been a busy month for me - getting my first mini-site up and running at last: http://www.UnemploymentBlues.com Take a look and let me know what you think. It took about 100 hours longer to complete than I had expected but it was sooooooooooo exciting when everything actually worked!
Even if you’re currently feeling down and disgusted, try
something new, anything, to put a little excitement back into your life - the
elation will spill over into job search and get your juices and enthusiasm
flowing again.
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Feature Article
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Dump Those Tapes!
Every time something doesn’t go quite right (rather
frequently for some of us), we start berating ourselves. We can be the soul of
courtesy and forgiveness to those we care about and then turn and savage
ourselves in the most brutal fashion. How many times have you told yourself:
“I’m an absolute idiot!” What was I thinking?” And that is just the
start.
From those immediate negative self-assessments, we dive deeper, reinforced by old admonitions playing in our brain. We may be adults, our parents and teachers perhaps long deceased, but their deprecating, wounding, critical, even, at times, cruel or abusive, remarks play over and over as if we were still children, being scolded for “our own good.”
With the help of those judgmental tapes playing repetitively in the back of our minds, we easily move from annoyance at a simple mistake anyone could have made to a global view of our own ineptitude: “I always blow it . . . I can’t do anything right . . . Why am I such a failure?”
Why is it so much harder to forgive ourselves than to forgive those we love? Is it because we don’t love ourselves as much? Is it because we expect more of ourselves? Or is it that we know ourselves too well, painfully aware of our dark secret places and our internal shortcomings? We are hard on ourselves because we have a deep, subconscious, lifelong belief that we don’t quite measure up.
The maggot gnawing away at our core is made up of a long string of events starting when we first became aware of the world and began to hear the word “No!” It continued through a childhood of making mistake after mistake, as we all do when learning new skills, and through adulthood as we are judged by our bosses, our spouses, our customers, with the heaviest emotional jolt of being laid off, the ultimate rejection of our self-worth.
Psychologists have studied authority-child interactions in both the home and in school. Remarkably, feedback to the child, in both environments, is more than 70% negative with the remainder either neutral or positive. Is it any wonder that we grow up to view ourselves as not quite good enough, mess-ups, or even total failures?
We have internalized all of that destructive feedback and
face the world with pride and self-composure that we know is only a defensive
façade, constantly in peril of crumbling away.
How can we jettison this baggage of years?
One strategy is to become aware of your own internal chatter. When something happens and you screw up, it is an independent event: you made a mistake as humans do. Try to separate that one event from anything that has happened in the past. One error can be quickly dealt with and resolved. Watch as your mind starts to link that event with every other mistake you have ever made, attempting to form a lifelong pattern of questionable judgments and poor decisions.
Analyze what you are telling yourself and watch for the give-away
absolutes: “I always . . . I never . . .” Absolutes are irrational and
illogical; they reflect our thinking not reality. Being aware of them bubbling
in your mind gives you the opportunity to negate them: if you have ever, just
once, been successful at something, no matter how small, then you cannot be, by
definition, a “total” failure. Just one contrary event completely wipes out an
“always” or
a “never.”
Increase your consciousness of your mental processes by writing down your actions and your thoughts. Cognitive therapy uses similar (more structured) techniques to explore your mental processing so that you can understand what your own mind is doing in shaping your vision of the world and yourself.
The realization that it is your mind, right now, which is defining your mood and your emotional distress, creates a wonderful opportunity. If your psychological discomfort arises out of your thinking, not out of some long-standing immutable neurosis nor warped brain cells, then you know you have the power to change!
This new perspective on the world is freeing and empowering. The old recurrent critical tapes can be pushed into the dead file where they belong. Your present, your future, your sense of self is yours to control because your thoughts can be consciously directed.
It took years to get you to where you are now. Vow to
spend the rest of your life nurturing those sprouting positive thoughts until
they blossom and fill your entire brain. The old tapes will have no place left
to lurk.
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Tips
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1. Support Groups.
If you have been out of work for more than a few weeks, you’ve already realized that you no longer fit into the fabric of mainstream modern life that rewards and recognizes only hard work and, above all, success. You feel alienated, alone, and dejected like the fired candidates on “The Apprentice.” Unfortunately, you don’t get invited onto the Today show to tell your side of the story nor do you get the lucrative job offers that even the most obnoxious losers receive after their television appearances.
You need to generate some source of support. You may have
a strong family behind you but you don’t want to burn them out. Try to connect
with outside sources to give your family a break. Other job seekers can be very
helpful even if only sharing your pain. Some local unemployment offices have
groups or classes you may attend. Non profit agencies often run groups for
minimal or no cost - see if any are suitable.
Organizations like 40+ have been successful in giving older unemployed
workers support and structure, If you are a Veteran,
the VA runs many groups that might be helpful.
Check with the
If your search comes up empty, consider starting your own group or asking a Church or agency to start such a group and then see how many other people you find in a situation very much like yours. And you thought you were alone!
2. Let the “Other Stuff” Go.
There is always so much to do and so little time. Now you are out of work, everyone tends to assume that you have unlimited time and total flexibility. By default, you start to assume the role of being available for everyone. You’re the one who can take the kids to baseball practice or the dentist’s office. You’re the one who can stay home all day because the cable guy is coming to fix the TV. You’re the one who can take Aunt Jenny to the airport. You’re the one who gets the car serviced, mows the lawn, picks up the dry cleaning, takes the cat to the vet. Before long, you have a full time job taking care of everyone else and your job search campaign is on the back burner.
Start setting limits. Work out a schedule of 25 hours per
week when your efforts to find work are going to be absolutely primary and
fixed. Share the schedule with your family so they know they can’t count on you
being at their beck and call during those specified hours. Fill in your free
time with all those extra chores but during your scheduled job search time,
learn to let the other stuff go.
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Q & A
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J.E. writes:
“I’ve been out of work for more than a year and I’m getting desperate. I tried to get one of your “survival” jobs but even got turned down by McDonald’s and Walmart. Help!”
You would think that an employer would jump at the chance to hire you compared with typical applicants for entry-level jobs who often have no work experience, questionable customer service skills, a minimal work ethic, and limited communication abilities. However, look at it from an employer’s point of view.
Are you going to fit in with the rest of the team? Do you
speak the main language of your coworkers? Do you anticipate quitting the job
as soon as you find something better? Do you feel demeaned (and let it show) by
work you consider beneath you? Do you put all of your experience and salary
history on your applications? Are you much older than the other workers?
A potential employer can probably see your worth to the organization but regardless of your experience, you are going to need some basic training, and he is weighing whether it’s worth the time (and cost) to train you when you might leave in a week or two.
Some suggestions: recognize what is going on in the
employer’s mind and confront it head on - but be truthful so you don’t blow the
opportunity for someone coming behind you. If you can see your way clear to
committing for a certain period of time, it might be helpful in eliminating his
fear that you won’t be around long enough to make hiring you worthwhile.
Leave prior salary information off your application or write in “Will discuss at interview.” You then have a chance to talk to the employer on a personal level about your previous salary levels and why you are now willing to accept entry level wages. Be honest about your predicament and sell how even a few months of your knowledge and skills could help his business, increase sales or the level of customer service, and help build a smooth-functioning team.
Sell your ability to work with a wide variety of people
and explain your interest in learning his business without any sense of the
work being something less than you have done before. Sell him on your desire to
work, to be productive, to practice and maintain your customer service
skills. Explain that you are miserable
being unemployed because you have always worked and you feel more pride in
yourself when you are part of a successful organization, regardless of the type
of industry it is in or the actual pay.
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General & Unsubscribe Info
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THE WORKER’S EDGE © Copyright 2005 by Virginia Bola, PsyD.
Please feel free to use excerpts from this newsletter as long as you give credit with a link to our page:
http://www.UnemploymentBlues.com.
All contents provided as is. No express or implied claims made herein. Your job search success is dependent on many factors, including your own abilities and energy.
THE WORKER’S EDGE Vol I,
No. 9 May 2005
Hello. Welcome to The Worker’s Edge, a newsletter devoted
to helping you cope with the nightmare of unemployment while giving you the
best job search techniques on the planet.
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Contents
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Editorial
Feature Article
Tips
Q & A and Reader Feedback
General & Unsubscribe Info
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Editorial
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Hello, everyone. Welcome to the newcomers among you—this month
we were joined by friends as far away as
How about you? I write this newsletter every month because work and mental attitudes are my two big passions. What I would really like, though, is for our communication to be interactive. If you have the time, would you write to me: introduce yourself and tell me a little bit about your life, your current concerns, your worries. If you have a specific question, I’ll respond to it in an upcoming issue.
mailto:TheWorkersEdge@ca.rr.com
Thanks.
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Feature Article
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The Killer Roller Coaster Ride.
Our lives are tranquil and smooth so seldom, it seems. We have our ups-and-downs, our good days and bad days, our sunny moods and black moods. The less we swing in opposite directions, the happier we tend to be. The biology of our bodies craves balance and consistency—changes in our thought patterns and emotions interrupt the regularity of our nerve pathways leading to chemical imbalance and internal disturbances.
Stress kills because stress is the critical determinant of how we think, how we fee